it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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