hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
