I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
