omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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