I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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