We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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