Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
