You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
