we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
