I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
