Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think my moral compass just broke
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
