Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
