And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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