I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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