WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
