sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
