Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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