how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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