he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
