I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
