I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
They took my balls.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
