Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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