i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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