i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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