i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
