he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
