But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize