Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
