I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
