i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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