Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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