How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
