YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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