What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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