You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
