It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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