this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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