Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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