new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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