I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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