We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
