So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
