Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
