I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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