Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
