fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
