the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
