Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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