we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
