We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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