Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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