are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
