Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
