Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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