yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
