i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
