phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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