My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize