Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
