Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
