He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
