Why does Corona taste like a burp?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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