i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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