you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
